Day 34 - 38: The Dog Days Are Over...

Our Father, which art in heaven,

Hallowed be thy Name.

Thy Kingdom come. 

Thy will be done in earth, 

As it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses,

As we forgive them that trespass against us. 

And lead us not into temptation, 

But deliver us from evil. 

For thine is the kingdom,

The power, and the glory,

For ever and ever.

Amen.

So, it has begun. My long, excruciating vent on what has happened to me these last 38 days (I am technically 11 days late on this but suck it up, I needed to relax)...and it kinda followed me a little beyond that...

I was on the LOGOFF - Vulnerable People Team. What did that mean? Quite frankly, I did not even know.

The myth...

When Ismatu, Jessi, Sian, Anna, Sherin, and I came together...we were six very different people. Sure, we had some similarities--- we are all female (or at least I hope so... :P JK) and around the same age. However, we came from different ethnic backgrounds (except Shereen and I) and different spiritual walks...but we all wanted to do something great at NYCUP. And...I think, no, I know we did!

What we accomplished:

NYCUP RESOURCE CARD for Vulnerable Youth!

          Looking over tons of organizations to find the right ones

          Interviewing, e-mailing, calling, typing...

          Creating a logo and name, style and design

          Ready to give out to any youth in need in the city!

Volunteering and Leading in MONT LAWN CITY CAMP

          Coming in super hyped and excited-

          Learning that you are not Jesus with these kids...

          These kids...need to act like kids, but they don't...because sometimes- they can't.

          Loving on them as much as possible.

          Not having defined roles as camp-

          Frustration and anger. 

          Just seeing them smile and love you back...that's enough.

Now, what I learned---honestly--- is that everyone is vulnerable. We need to admit that. 

So, we were supposed to do Psalms of Freedom (a while ago)...but I chose "Prayers for the Vulnerable" since I actually worked with that theme this internship (I am supposed to do another one...). We were asked... define God as the Creator, Reveler, Actor, and Sovereign with passages and such pertaining to the theme. This is what I had to say (not exactly because I kinda forgot so hopefully I get my point across):

God as Creator: Genesis 1:27
See, God created HUMANS in His divine image/// and we are inherently vulnerable. We are vulnerable to anything physical like storms and earthquakes, but much more on that...we are not perfect in thought and action. So, admitting that means giving that weakness to Christ and finding strength in Him. God had a divine plan and purpose for us... that includes us coming to Him willingly and saying, "Hey, Daddy...I need you."

God as Reveler: Matthew 22:37-40
God is Love. And if we are made in the image of God, are we not inherently the image of love? We are to love others as Christ loves us, without bias and judgment; for it is only together that we reflect the image of God. If it is both man and woman that creates this image of God, how much more does that strength with the Church coming together with every person into one Body of Christ create the PERFECT Will and image of God?

God as Actor: Hebrew 4:14-16
Jesus links us to God. God decided He would come in the form that we know...man. Jesus was literally the most vulnerable person, because not only was He stripped of His divine status, but He came as a child into this world. Are not children the most susceptible to being exploited? However, we see that Jesus had His disciples...and even then He had His closest three. So, now we must ask...do we allow others to be vulnerable around us? Are we allowing ourselves to be vulnerable?

God as Sovereign: Psalm 118:8

Vulnerability does not necessarily mean crying at every touch or getting emotional with every stranger! It means letting walls and blockades down and letting others in. Most importantly, from the spiritual perspective, it is realizing that since we are in the image of God and only together as a unified body of people are we reflecting God, not one single human can be God. That is God's job. God has been doing it since before time and will continue till after we cease to live on this earth. 

So, this is what I (or you) need to pray:

Father, Daddy, Leader, and Lover... I pray that I open myself to You. I lay down my walls and open my doors wide to Your embrace. In this act, may I be more like You and in that action and thought comfort my fellow brothers and sisters, so that they too may fall into Your ever outstretching arms. God, I need You. I want You. It is time that I realize that You...in all Your perfection, want me too. So, Lord, let this be a new step in becoming vulnerable to You, to every vessel You come to me in, and to Your perfect divine Will. I am worth it. Thank You. Amen.

That was something hard I had to admit...because being worth it doesn't mean you deserve it. It means that a price has been paid for you and the blood on the cross is full proof of that. Sure, for us, that sounds free...but would you have been willing to take the Cross? Or the better question is...are you still trying to carry a Cross that is crushing you?

NYCUP was hard. Painful. Exhausting...but nothing worth having is free and easy! 

"I was in American apparel today and it is all fair wage, sweatshop labor free, made in USA. So I get all excited then see I have to pay $60 for a pair of shorts...I think never! I can get cheaper stuff else where, and that is our problem. Our mindset is that it isn't worth the price, but when it is fairly waged and involved 23 sewers working for fair pay... why wouldn't that be worth something???"

Now...for the hard and tough...personal part... I hate crying. I hate showing weakness, because to me...emotion is weakness. And even then, for a long time, emotionally connecting to a song or a certain message in church was fine, because that was being emotional with God. I realize now...I was just being emotionally to God and not with Him. Because as much as I suffered and cried and hurt, God felt that so many times over because He is and always will be...my Daddy. 

So when I wrote that poem, it was kind of a revelation to me that...that door me and Jesus kept walking past HAD to be kicked in. And when God wants something to happen, it will happen...and to some extent...I wanted to relieve myself of blocking that door closed. 

We have to admit...we are WORTH it. We are loved. We are wanted. I am His & He is mine.

What does that look like for my future? Well, that is all according to His Will. However, I am determined to live my life in a way that uplifts the people around me. I realize that relationships take work...and I have to put more into them because though I may not receive back what I give, God covers that...to infinity and beyond! We must be there for each other, support and care for one another...is that not what is asked of us? If we are to act like Christ and God is essentially Love...are we not to be love ourselves? 

For my campus, I give Hofstra to God. Whether that means I start a foundation for a Christian sorority at Hofstra University or I truly fill the role that is assigned to me on Leadership with Hofstra Intervarsity Chrisitan Fellowhip...I am a vessel for God. An instrument of peace...

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

In closing, I want to thank every single person I met at NYCUP for being a leader in their own way. We all will do great things, and I hope to continue to see them and support them through that.

Thank you: Pastor Jim (Jimara), Professor Maticles (The Walking Encyclopedia), Nicola (Jersey), Avalan (AVALONN), Candance (Candi), Sarah (That Really Awesome Asian Chick...bawk bawk..get it!?), CiCi...'s Pizza? (Tiana/Pocahontas/Lewis or Clark/Wise Woman), Casey (Robin? Best Storyteller Ever), Amanda (The Baby...New York:P), Yin Yin (Nancy Pooh), Anna Bananana Fofanna... (Roomie), Shereen (Bestie), Caitlin (Denver...hipster!), Jessi (Captain Jolly Swagger), Roxi (The Rock Guitarist), Chris & Hope (& Super Vegan Baby), Jonmuffin (Jonnie) & Priscilla, Chelsea, Grace, Karen, Diane, Isaac & Danielle, Andie, & Ismabooooo (Sacajaweja?/Lewis or Clark/Wise Woman/African Emperess).

From the bottom of my heart...thank you. 

I also want to thank every reader, donation, every person that held me in pray...really and truly, I thank you for believing in me and letting God reach me and use me. May I be used in your lives as well, as however God wills it to be!

Now, I pray that my journey may have affected you, my readers, in some way. If you would like to know more and just talk...comment, respond, email, call, text...whatever you need/want...I am here to serve:) Remember, ACT LOCALLY - THINK GLOBALLY! #loggingoff